Report on the benefits of relational capital

Basics of Business Etiquette
 Building Relational Capital
 Importance of E-image
 Relational Mapping

Overview – Module 3

Relational capital is earned, similar to money in which it is: valuable and necessary, takes continual effort to maintain and obtain; and the more you have, the better off you are, especially if an emergency arises. The principle difference between money and relational capital is the latter is intangible.
You know you have relational capital when it’s 5pm on a Friday, your boss hands you a large project due Monday at 7am. Immediately a few colleagues roll up their sleeves to help you make the deadline AND have a weekend.
You have reputational capital when, through an oversight on your part, your customers have to move to a temporary location which also slows down their service. Instead of angry finger pointing their responses are “Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us;”
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Most reliable GPS in building relational capital 

Neutralizes the prestige factor

Helps repair broken relations

Business Etiquette

In 1922 EP wrote a tiny blue book: Etiquette, 3rd national best sellar non-fiction second to the Bible WHY? Times Irevolution, swarms of people coming in for jobs…they greet each other differentlyin, eat, entertain in ways which were foreign. EP among NY elite (friends did NOT want her to publish guide on how to interact) she did and it became famous to this day….
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Business Etiquette Success

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“We are getting less than 40 hours of work from a large number of our KC-based EMPLOYEES. The parking lot is sparsely used at 8am; likewise at 5pm. As managers – you either do not know what your EMPLOYEES are doing; or YOU do not CARE.  You have created expectations on the work effort which allowed this to happen inside Cerner, creating a very unhealthy environment.  In either case, you have a problem and you will fix it or I will replace you. You have two weeks. Tick, tock.” 

— The New York Times, April 5, 2001
© 2013 Rockwood Communications Counsel, Inc. www.rockwoodcc.com
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

Email Mismanagement Fiasco

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Obviously this internal memo – public which caused heads to roll

Affects chances of being promoted, nominated, invited, recommended
or retained.
Damages credibility and likeability.
Alienates your supporters during rainy days.

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Cost of Rudeness

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It’s not just if you decide to do it, it’s HOW you decide to do it that matters. 
Bruno

Reference: Emily Post Institute

EP vacationed at family lake home next to ‘Yappy’ constant annoyance. Bruno decides he’s had enough…family notices quiet…looks around and they can see Bruno with Yappy…lake…
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Are Americans rude today than 20 or 3 years ago?
89%
8%
On a frequent/occasional basis, do you encounter people rudely using their cell phone?
Have you used your cell phone in a loud or annoying manner in the past few months?
69%

AP/IPSOS Manners Poll

These figures are dated but show….
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It’s easier to see rudeness in others than in yourself.

Rudeness isn’t always intentional.

Perspective Matters

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Rudeness

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Building Relational Capital: 
Think before acting.
Make choices that build relationships.
Do it sincerely.
How Business Etiquette Works
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

Pause before you act for you surely will take action…who you sit next to, what you wear, what you will say.
Choose the path which sustains …..Bruno had a choice to end things or sustain… Now what is EASY for YOU
Must be authentic. The first two points mean nothing if you cannot be honest. Think..a pushy salesperson ..you’re less inclined to believe their sincerity
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You Are the Expert
You’ve just finished a major presentation to a committee of five people at the prospect’s offices… 
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

You would:
Write a letter to the committee as a whole.
Send an email to the chair of the committee and ask her to share it with the other members.
Write a thank you note to each committee member and send it by mail.
Call the committee chair the next day and thank her.

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Reference: Emily Post Institute

You Are the Expert

True story: Sent out announcements for new business in SoCal… call from SF recruiter. Puzzled…why not get local help? There were dozens offering the same services as mine. “You were the only one who took the time to write me a personal note.” Led to $27K retainer….never doubt power of extra steps to show your sincerity.
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Perspective Matters
Before you open your mouth:
Appearance
Actions
Words

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Count for more than 70%

They don’t even know your name. Imagine on one side of glass wall: You see people milling about at a work related event. You will immediately draw assumptions based on clothes, how the other person is listening to what is being said, etc.
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Appearance 
Actions
Words

When the factors are working,
the focus turns
to content.
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Factors that Influence
a Relationship

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Neat
Not torn or sloppy
Not wrinkled
Clean
Washed, no odor
No stains
Your person
No body odor
No bad breath
Well groomed 

Tips:
Not too: tight, short, low cut, loud, high, sheer
Keep it understated
Minimal jewelry
Dress for the situation
Minimal accents
Tattoos and piercings

Reference: Emily Post Institute

Appearance Counts

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COMMUNICATION STRATEGISTS | ROCKWOODCC.COM
Appearance – X

Interpretations of
business casual

Remember perceptions are drawn before you say hello…
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Actual Business Casual

Professionalism on the Outside
= Professional Work Product
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Actions
Body language
Minimizing others
Nervous habits

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© Rockwood Communications Counsel, Inc.
www.rockwoodcc.com

Cell phones, eating, seating No eye contact
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     Avoid:
Slang expressions; 
incorrect English  
Swearing
Insider chatter

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Words

Talking about things in front of others which only you and one other know about
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COMMUNICATION STRATEGISTS | ROCKWOODCC.COM
Words
“Every other word was ‘friggin’ this or that… we can’t have him around clients.”
“We were showing the new person around… within 5 minutes we knew she was divorced, vegan and didn’t like her last job.”
“Chris’ party … Sara was there from accounting.”

Word Impact

Example
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“My wife and I were invited to a golf charity. An attorney in our group got so mad that he swore repeatedly. I decided right there, I would never work with that firm.”  
– EL POLLO LOCO

“One of the senior partners checked his phone under the table at our meeting. That showed me we needed him more than he needed us.” – DRYER’S GRAND ICE CREAM

“Whether it is the janitor who takes out your trash or a CEO, they should be treated in the same respectful manner.”  – ELLISON
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What Decision Makers Say

Always mute your phone before meetings or MANAGE EXPECTATIONS “I am expecting an urgent call, if it comes I must take it” move away- do not be SEEN or Heard
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Please = A request
Sans “please” = A demand, an order
Thank you = Appreciation and Respect
Sans “thank you” = Expected, taken for granted

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Reference: Emily Post Institute

Demand vs. Request

No one likes being bossed around….even if you are NOT in a supervisory position but you make more than someone else…ALWAYS express appreciation. Management is 3x more likely to offend because of overlooking things like please and thank you
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AP/IPSOS Manners Poll

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Introductions

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COMMUNICATION STRATEGISTS | ROCKWOODCC.COM

Which Signal Sent?

Micro-impressions …in the first photo the handshake is insincere….hand over hand – I am sorry for your loss…or feigned friendship…
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First impressions can make or break you.

The introduction is your opportunity to make a strong first impression.

How you handle yourself gives strong clues about your confidence and professionalism.

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Reference: Emily Post Institute

Why Introductions Matter

People are attracted to confident people….Zoom to show…v-grip, etc.
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Introductions – Four  steps:
Stand up.
Look the person in the eye and smile.
Firm grip handshake.
Say your name and repeat their name.

Confidence is key.
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

High Impact Moment

Talk first to the person:
More important
You would like to honor

“Gabrielle, I would like to introduce 
our grant writer, Austin Ray to you. Austin, this is Gabrielle Daniels.”

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Reference: Emily Post Institute

Order of Introduction

Your client is hosting an appreciation event for his clients. Liz Patterson, the biggest client is coming. You’ve never met her but everyone talks about “Liz.”  You are introduced, her name tag says Elizabeth Patterson. The person who introduces you says, “Liz, I would like you to meet Lisa Grant our attorney.”
How do you respond?

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Reference: Emily Post Institute

You’re the Expert

“It is a pleasure meeting you…”

Liz
Elizabeth
Ms. Patterson
Liz Patterson

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Reference: Emily Post Institute

Etiquette Quiz

Admit your predicament
Apologize
Move on
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

Forgetting Someone’s Name

It happens!
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A breathing person always has priority over any cell phone.  Period.
Ask, “is this a good time?” and respect the answer.
Manage expectations—if you HAVE to take a call, let the other person know.
Walk away to not be seen or heard.

Reference: Emily Post Institute

Cell Phones

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Being on time is a measure of respect
Being late is not an indicator that you are very busy or important
Being late:
Shows you are a disorganized person
Shows that you don’t respect the people you are meeting with
When you are late, you start off on the wrong foot by having to apologize

Reference: Emily Post Institute

Being on Time

Emily Post this was #1 biggest offense with her…Consider akin to asking for a favor when you have not earned ANY relational capital yet!
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Etiquette
=
Manners + Principles 
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

The “Compass”

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Manners
What to do.
What to expect others to do.

Reference: Emily Post Institute

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Manners vs. Principles
What to do when there is no manner.
How to resolve relationship situations.
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

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How to answer a telephone.
How to introduce yourself.
How to use a fork.
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

Examples of Manners

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Manners
Time sensitive
Vary between cultures 

Principles
Timeless
Cross cultural boundaries

Reference: Emily Post Institute

Manners vs. Principles

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Guiding Principle
Anticipate Needs.
Exceed Expectations.
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

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Example: 
Shaking Hands vs. Bowing
The Manner differs culturally.
The Principle crosses cultural boundaries.
38

Reference: Emily Post Institute

Manners vs. Principles

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Consideration
       Thinking, empathy

Respect
       Look at your options to determine if each one
       grows rather than hurts the relationship

Honesty
      Acting sincerely, being truthful
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

The Principles

The principles guide you always….they should look familiar
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Consideration
         Thinking, empathy

Respect
  Look at your options to determine if 
  each one grows rather than hurts the 
  relationship

Honesty
  Acting sincerely, being truthful

Think Before Acting 
Make Choices that Build Relationships
Do It Sincerely
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

The Principles –
Etiquette in Action

Remember Bruno…choose the path which keeps things intact, even if harder on you. Writing personal notes, being genuine. Honest
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AP/IPSOS Manners Poll

Handling Difficult Situations
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

This five-step process by the EPI has worked wonders for generations
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Step 1: Consideration
Step 2: Solutions/Responses
Step 3: Respect
Step 4: Honesty
Step 5: Refine Response

Reference: Emily Post Institute

Five-Step Method

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At a meeting you notice a person sneeze into his hands.  Five minutes later your boss brings the person over to introduce him to you.  He extends his hand to shake hands.
What would you do?

Reference: Emily Post Institute
What if…? Sneeze

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Consideration
Who is affected?
How are they affected?
You:  Unsure, nervous
The person:  Confused, embarrassed
Your boss:  Surprised, angry
Your company:  Negatively affected

Reference: Emily Post Institute
What if…? Sneeze

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Solutions
Don’t shake hands.
Shake hands.
Escape.

“I’m so embarrassed.  I just sneezed on my hand.  As soon as I get back from the restroom…”

“Please excuse me for not shaking hands.  I’ve got a bad cold and don’t want to spread it.”

Reference: Emily Post Institute
What if…? Sneeze

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Respect
Don’t shake hands.

Escape.

Shake hands.

Hard on you.  Works for the others.
Ok for you: you temporarily avoid problem.  Rude to others.

May work for you And the others immediately. Problem remains.

Reference: Emily Post Institute
What if…? Sneeze

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Honesty
Don’t shake hands.

Escape.

Shake hands.

Hard on you.  Easy on the others.  Ultimately it works best for you.
Causes more trouble than it solves.

Doesn’t really resolve the situation.

Reference: Emily Post Institute
What if…? Sneeze

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Refine as necessary
You decide that after shaking hands you will immediately excuse yourself to go to the restroom and wash your hands.

Reference: Emily Post Institute

What if…? Sneeze

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“Sometimes, when I go over to Tom to ask him a question, he is reading a report and making notes while he talks to me. The other day, his computer signaled that an email arrived. He clicked on it and started to read it while I was in mid-sentence.”

 Do you think this is rude? 

Reference: Emily Post Institute

Annoying Office Issues

If you said Yes you are wrong. It is clear Tom was engaged. Ask is this a goodtime? Don’t say it will only take a minute unless it really is under 59 seconds. Better to ask “Let me know when you can give me a few minutes”
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e-Image

The Virtual You

How you come across in emails, posts is without benefit of your smile, your voice… defaults to negative. CEO example could not understand why company was getting frosty treatment from KY client — finally checked his emails…they came across rude, abrasive and ungrateful.
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Topic Goes Here
“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.  If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”
–Warren Buffet

   140 characters will do it just as well…and faster.

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The Bulletin Board Rule

If you can’t put it on a bulletin board for anyone to read, don’t email it, text it, IM it, leave it on a voice mail, tweet it, or blog it. 
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Reference: Emily Post Institute

The Bulletin Board Rule

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Don’t use email or texting to avoid a difficult situation.
Pick up the phone or visit someone in person if email or texting becomes tense or strained.
In the absence of facial expressions or tone of voice, interpretation defaults to the negative.

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Reference: Emily Post Institute

When words alone
are your image

COMMUNICATION STRATEGISTS | ROCKWOODCC.COM
Communications

COMMUNICATION STRATEGISTS | ROCKWOODCC.COM
Communications

COMMUNICATION STRATEGISTS | ROCKWOODCC.COM
Communications

Tense
Awkward
Complex

Needs 
Face to Face 
Call 

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Example: Poor E-Image
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From: XXXXXXXXX
Sent: Thursday, March 14, 2013 12:50 PM
To: Crystal Rockwood
Subject: administrative help; Seal Beach
 
Hi Crystal!
Happy to help in any manner you need. I live in Rancho, so any virtual work you need I am good to go. I have been doing VA work for over 5 years. My cell is (XXX) XXX-XXXX.
 
Looking forward to hearing from you 🙂
 
Susie 🙂

Sent from my iPhone

Hi XX,
The charity event you hosted was wonderful, I hope you are pleased with the feedback. 

On a side matter, do you handle water rights? This is tied to a farm purchase in Fresno County and a colleague is looking for a water lawyer familiar with agriculture issues. I don’t think this is your area but just thought I would double check.

Thanks again for the fun reception.
Crystal Rockwood

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Email Example:
Building Rapport

To: Crystal Rockwood
Cc: XX
Subject: RE: water lawyer;

No. We do not do water law and I do not know anyone who does.

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Reply: Bad E-image

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Relational Capital

Relational capital is earned, similar to money in which it is: valuable and necessary, takes continual effort to maintain and obtain; and the more you have, the better off you are, especially if an emergency arises. The principle difference between money and relational capital is the latter is intangible.
You know you have relational capital when it’s 5pm on a Friday, your boss hands you a large project due Monday at 7am. Immediately a few colleagues roll up their sleeves to help you make the deadline AND have a weekend.
You have reputational capital when, through an oversight on your part, your customers have to move to a temporary location which also slows down their service. Instead of angry finger pointing their responses are “Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us;”
60

Personal connection
How do they respond when you ask for a favor? Extra help? A late night emergency call?
You built trust in the good times and the bad
They’ve learned you are reliable because of how you handled problems/issues/complaints in the past

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Relational Capital

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More company/entity based
Builds up over multiple positive experiences (even negative situations turn positive)
Shared values, causes, or perceived image can boost reputational capital
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Reputational Capital

You forgive little oversights/ roll with the punches… you forgive oversights and mistakes because they respond well and make up for the error; trusted the leadership to have a plan, they trusted them with their KIDS! Leadership had proven themselves trustworthy, diligent, etc.)

How X handled a mistake… (example? Refund for recall? Getting an upgrade in a hotel after losing your reservation? Etc.)
Shared values example: TOMs shoes donates to developing countries… people purchase to support that cause… the APPLE vs. PC commercials made Apple seem like the artsy/cool alternative to PC’s and integrated into trends
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63

Social
Benefits of Relational &
Reputational Capital

How X handled a mistake… (example? Refund for recall? Getting an upgrade in a hotel after losing your reservation? Etc.)
Shared values example: TOMs shoes donates to developing countries… people purchase to support that cause… the APPLE vs. PC commercials made Apple seem like the artsy/cool alternative to PC’s and integrated into trends
63

PR Fitness: Civic Capital Network

Law Firm

Attorney

Attorney

Attorney
Orange
Costa Mesa
Irvine
Mayor’s Asst.
Developer
Segerstrom
Chapman
City Council Member
Irvine
Vans
School District
Alum Board
Non Profit Board
Faith Community

PR Fitness: Civic
Capital Network

How can you leverage what you don’t know exists? This is where relational mapping comes in…interview your ambassasdors first and as time/resources allow…others. Find out who knows who…LinkedIn one measure to an extent…ask for introductions, invite to events, include in charity work, etc. Relational maps take time…true resource integration is finding out who knows who and how best to align resources for mutual benefit…should be institionalized…incumbent on marketing (HR won’t likely) to do a ‘brain dump’ on new hires. You will not know unless you ask.
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Consider the key players at the city/local government level

Civic Network Sample

Chart 1. CCAF Civic/Charity/Arts/ Faith communities
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Vertical Media Example

MIA chart: Media Industries and Affiliations
Consider local media, industry magazines, relevant blogs/sites/forums, journals, etc.

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Sincerity Anchors Credibility

To build and leverage relational, reputational capital. You need to be REAL Truthful Authentic…Guy Kawasaki is on the right side…
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