NJSPCA Media Release and Pitch Email

DescriptionGood effort on revising your media release. I think you can improve it even more. Per my earlier feedback, you need to write the media release in the inverted pyramid format, meaning the most important paragraphs at the top. This media release is about the announcement of the two new senior leaders and how they will help carry out the mission of the NJSPCA. Your hook needs to be about the new leaders. For example: NJSPCA Hires New Leadership to …..

Your first and second paragraphs should be about the new leaders, their titles, qualifications and how they are going to lead in the fight to protect animals.

Your revised pitch email, like your media release, needs to be about the new hires. It also needs to be written in the inverted pyramid format. You can correct the following and use it as your first paragraph:

You wrote

NJSPCA have hired two new staff members, the executive director Ellie Tsai and the chief operating officer Oliver Cloyd who are responsible to ensuring the objectives of the organization have been achieved.

Again, please read the AP Style rules for writing professional titles.

Correction:

NJSPCA has hired two new staff members, Executive Director Ellie Tsai and Chief Operating Officer Oliver Cloyd. They are responsible for ensuring the objectives of the organization are achieved.

You must also make the hook about the two new hires.

Please also proof your work for grammatical errors. Jersey should be capitalized.

Please proof your revised fact sheet for grammatical errors. You wrote the following:

Therefore, the community and the government are the number one individual responsible for helping protect our animals through the engagement of the development and implementation of the new state laws. The plan to pass the information to the large community include.

For more information visit our website and learn more on the project and other works of the society. Also, you can visit our social media pages to get daily updates on the campaign. To contact us you…

Please get a grammar book and review rules for using commas to connect clauses to complete sentences. For example:

For more information, visit our…

To contact us, visit…

Please also stop beginning sentences with also.

Overall, you made a good effort on this. To achieve Exceeds Project Requirements, you should improve your work per the information in my feedback above. Please also make sure that your work meets the criteria for EP in the grading rubric. Please write this in AP Style.